"You doubt your value, don't run from who you are."

Never doubt who you are. 

Period. End of story and no negotiations.

When I think about myself, theres a lot of times where I don't value myself, either in my mind, my body or even my heart. 

My body is my own, and sometimes I forget frequently that I need to take care of it and I need to treat it with some respect. There so many things that I want to do, but I can't. Like eat fifty tacos, but I value my health so I don't do that. 

My mind is my own, but most times I don't give it the respect it deserves. It's always hungry for more. Wanting the things that it can't have; its a curious little thing, just always soaking up whatever information it can get its little talons on. Trying and seeking and often times reaching the pinnacle of what I think is the top. I always need more. 

My heart: it's a wild, untamed place that I don't even understand. It's broken, jagged, and to my belief ruined. I know deep down in my heart that it's not, that I just gave it to the wrong people to have and to hold. I didn't value my heart when it was my own and expected others to take care of it. 

Sometimes if I'm really feeling like it, I let other people love me and give my heart away when I know that I shouldn't. I fall in love when I know that it will never be returned. I love whole heartedly, wanting nothing but the best for someone even though I know nothing will ever come of it. That I will never be loved in return. 

I don't think thats valuing my heart.

I think the point of this whole post, was to explain to everyone; that sometimes we let ourselves go and that we make silly choices, but to never forget that when you come back to yourself you can't forget who you are inside. 

I am a woman, who wants to be cherished and to be loved and to be valued, and I am a woman that wants to cherish and to love and to value as well.

-Birdy

"Hearts are Wild Creatures, that's why our ribs are cages."

"Hearts are Wild Creatures, that's why our ribs are cages."


okay, now that we've read this twice, lets break it down a little bit.

Hearts are wild creatures..

My heart, my literal heart is something of great routine. It beats every second of every day and without fail, because if my heart fails then I will die. That is an absolute truth. Something that can't be altered or changed no matter how much we want it to be different.

My emotional heart... Well now that's a different story. If my heart is wild it would be after everyone now wouldn't it. It would take one look at every boy and tell me that I'm destined to be with him. My own heart, my personal, concealed, protected heart.. Wants to be cautious in all its adventures; it wants some one who won't think about hurting me, that will try to find the broken pieces and put them back together. That's what my heart wants.
Some people need that sense of wildness that the heart brings. For them especially they need a cage to keep them from doing something reckless.
If you've ever done something stupid and reckless in the name of 'love' or really infatuation then you know what I mean.

God knows That I did.

I chipped away tiny pieces of my wild and free heart, and gave it to a boy that.. That you know didn't take good enough care of it, so.. My heart went far far away, to heel and to make me better. Because of the boy who took my wildness away I learned I need to be careful and to protect my freedom.

My tiny little heart now, I can still see the places where it's been chipped away at where someone has taken some thing from me. Either my dignity or my innocence. Things that I'll never ever get back.

I will never get back the part of me that I willingly gave to him.

Our hearts are sooo so wild and so pure and willing that our ribs are that cage to keep us guarded and to keep us safe.

We don't always know why things happen the way they do, and we don't always give our hearts the protection we deserve...

Our hearts are wild creatures that's why our ribs are cages..

Hearts really means love, and to humans love is everything.. That's what makes the world go round.
Ribs, is our common sense, something everyone is born with, but not everyone learns how to treat with respect.

So remember this next time you want to love without boundrys and you think that you can change anyone. You may not. Or who knows, your heart may find its new best friend.

"You gave me a infinity within the number of days and I am grateful."

I'm 'grateful.'

How much can one simple word actually convey all the feelings that the word 'grateful' actually contains.
The word grateful.. what a funny word really. It tells me that I'm happy, but but it tells me that I'm thankful, tells me that I'm filled with love, the word 'grateful' really tells me that I have an over abundance of emotion and I couldn't think of what word to use to describe every emotion that I could be feeling all in one simple moment.

it boils down to simply: 'grateful' is a loaded word.

--------

Have you ever been given an infinity? I have, or well at least I think I have. Has someone ever made the day feel like its passing as slow as it can, allowing you to cherish every single second of every minute? It's a special feeling. a feeling like your floating on a cloud that you never want to leave.

It's not the cheesy butterflies or the juvenile giggling, its being happy to simply stand next to a person and to be content. It's to want nothing more than to spend your time and your energy on that person.
Thats an infinity, being happy with the same person forever and not even having it be a thought in your mind that you won't ever see them again.

That is infinite.

that is powerful.

Now think about it like this:

you love someone so much, but they're sick, and you know that, and everyday you try to give them the very best day ever, but you have to do that every day? well my my my my, that just sounds exhausting and I'm not even doing anything. But its what happens all the time.

When people are sick.
When people leave.

It happens people.

Lets understand something though here: We are all going to die. and there is nothing I can do, or you can do to stop it. it just happens.

I can't tell you when Im going to die, but I know that it will happen eventually, and I know that someday Its going to leave someone gutted, but thats whats going to happen.

I want to have that notion of an infinity within the numbered days.

it's plain and simple but its what I want. I want someone to love me that much that it feels like it goes on for forever, and then when it finally has to end, I know that I loved them infinitely, and that I gave them the world.

I don't need to have grand gestures of love, to prove that I love them. I can show someone I love them simply by being with them some days. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't have grand gestures. please do it, its romantic and sweet and it means that you care enough to take the time.

But when get to that day that I am going to die, I am going to think back on my life and Im going to remember someone very special and dear to my heart. and Im going to yes, think about the gestures that they have given towards me, or all the thought in the projects they dedicated to me.

But.

Im going to also think about all the times that they took care of me, when I was sick, tired or needed them too. Im going to think about the times that they just sat down next to me and told me that I looked beautiful, or the times that they would do the dishes that night when Im to tired.

That. is what it means to be given an infinity, to be given the littlest, simplest and sometimes the things that you wouldn't even think matter, thats what what it means to have an infinity. You can give me the world..

But all I really want is.. you.

"You gave me an infinity within the numbered days and am I grateful."

-Birdy.

"Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure."

Harry Potter Quote!
Wow, its been awhile since I've done one of these, most of the time I focus on love and all that rot. Anyhow; I love Harry Potter! I am a massive Potterhead and very proud to be one! I frankly love this quote, I think J.K. Rowling is a literary genius, simply because she brought us these amazing books.
"Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure." I love that, because it's so true. It's a Ravenclaw quote, so even though I am generally annoyed by the house of Ravenclaw this would be the only thing besides Luna to ever really come out of that house that I really like.

I think, that you can be as tough as anything, but if you don't know how to use it, then what good is it? Wit, knowing how to get yourself out of trouble, just by talking, or coming up with something clever.
I know plenty of people who can do this, and frankly they are some of my best friends, so let me just tell you, there is nothing wrong with a house full of smarty pants, in fact they are quite entertaining! They are able to hold good conversations and challenge your thinking and such. They make the world seem interesting.
I am honestly, not the biggest fan of this house. I don't know why, but some of the people that can be sorted into this house, can be very.. well how should I put this, annoying.
(Small backstory, I, being a potterhead, tend to sort people into the Hogwarts houses. I know several annoyingly smart people, (Ravenclaws), some very brave people (Gryffindors) hard workers and genuinly good people (Hufflepuffs) Then there are people like me, quite nasty sometimes, but are generally resourceful, cunning, but with a sense of great ambition. if you couldn't tell I am a Slytehrin and I am very happy to be one.)
((Now if you can't tell from this post, I am a major nerd and I love to just show my knowledge of the topic.))
Anyways back the the topic at hand. RAVENCLAW; wit above all else, great trait, it really is, to be able to think lightly on your feet and to actually have that sense of knowledge that not many people do.
I love to think that Luna Lovegood was really the best representation of Ravenclaw, as scatterbrained as she could be, (ex. loosing shoes, dressing up, wearing strange glasses.) she really was the best ravenclaw, she knew what it was to be humble as well as intelligent, and she is one of my favorite people in all the books.

Anyways, long, (very long story short.) Wit, (in my opinion is much preferred) to being all braun, I would rather be friends with someone who can have a conversation with me, and MAKE IT INTERESTING! so thank you very much reading this very long (sort of long) post about my second least favorite Hogwarts house. As much as I love it.. (which I barely do) Luna was the only good thing to come out of it. because i mean come on people, even Ravenclaws own daughter gave Riddle the Diadem.. so heres to that. But, when I think of Ravenclaw, I think of the sweet little Luna Lovegood and how she basically made up for the whole house.

-Birdy.

"Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure."

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

Such a great quote. (I think i start every post off like this.) but it's so true, it's an amazing quote, and it's so young and freeing. Like it's a quote for the young and the old, (but sorry, people, mostly the young.) The book where is is from, is one that has gained a lot of popularity in the last year, I don't know how many of you have heard of that little movie called.. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"? Staring Emma Stone and Logan Lerman and Ezra Miller, well.. I still have yet to watch it, actually, it's sitting on my desk next to me while I type. But I did read the book.
Let me give you a basic idea of this book. It's about a boy named Charlie.(Played by Lerman) and he has just gone through a very devastating loss. his best friend Michael had committed suicide a couple months before the book started. Charlie is about to start high school as a fifteen year old freshman. (A little on the older side as I started high school as a very young thirteen year old. ((my birthday, by a cruel trick of the calendar, falls in early October. And I was put into school, destined to always be the youngest in my grade. And I'll come back to that.))
Charlie literally knows no one, so to cope with the anxiety of going into high school alone he starts writing to someone who no one knows, but charlie clearly feels comfortable talking to. He tells of the struggles that he knows he will face. He meets seniors, Sam (Played by Watson) and her stepbrother Patrick (Played By Miller). Charlie really realizes through the book that he is a young man and that he has a lot of growing up to do, he falls in love with Sam, even though she is older then him and about to leave for school.

Okay, now that you have the gist of the plot line I will explain why I actually picked the quote.
I picked this, because In a away, I think everyone is a charlie, we all have these huge traumas in our lives, they may not be huge things, like it might be.. bad grades, or trying to get your parents to understand you, or maybe its things like loosing a loved one, struggling with depression, anxiety and a big one, loving someone who doesn't love you back.
we all need to come of age. We all grow up, but some of us grow up with harder obstacles to climb over. I think for me, it's definitely been the age thing, I am one of the youngest in my class. I am a seventeen year old senior, who just turned seventeen a couple months ago. So, for me, I'm always looked on as I should be younger, or I shouldn't be with the grade that I am, but I think through hard work that i have proven that I am meant to be there. I am meant to be standing up there this year and and getting my diploma.
Now I wonder if your thinking "Well seventeen isn't very young for a senior." well it isn't, but when I started my senior year, I was that awkward sixteen year old senior. and that was the problem. I start school in september and my birthday is early October. So for me, when you have people saying that you're the baby of the class, it makes you just want to prove them wrong. sometimes the baby of the class can achieve more then the eldest.

I may not have a story like Charlie's, (and believe me, I'm glad it's not all true!) but I do understand that growing up today is hard work, we are faced with some many obstacles in our growing up. Whether it is.. drugs, depression, anxiety, or abuse, we still need to grow up. So be INFINITE. Be that person that can stand up and say they've beaten everything.

-Birdy.

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.” -Stephen Chbosky

"You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So... get on your way!"

Dr. Seuss. I love this man. Um for someone who wrote children's stories (He is the reason I fell in love with poetry.) Anyways, back to the post.
I am a fan of tis book because... well it's a book about your future. Or what you'll make of it; maybe you'll sit at home with your parents for the rest of your life, maybe you'll get married and start a family. But, "Oh the places you'll go!" To quote the famous man, whatever you choose to do, I mean, "You're off to great places!" (I simply love this poem.)
Okay, so heres a tiny bit about me. I believe in what I like to call, the "Peter Pan Method." Living everyday like you're young, still wanting to fly away to spend the day with Peter. Even though we must grow up sometime, today certainly isn't that day. I plan on getting a tattoo behind my.. right ear, its a picture of the second star to the left and straight on till morning, as a reminder to me, to never get to old to have fun with the people I love the most. To play with my family, to laugh with my friends, to love with that childlike love, the unconditional love that will look at someone like they can do no wrong.
Now sadly, all those things that I aspire to do, don't always come true. I falter. I forget to have fun with my family, sometimes I don't always laugh with my friends. I certainly don't love all the time, I am human. Everything that I want, I need to work for; working for it, drives me to be a better person then I am.

"Congratulations!
Today is your day,
You're off to great places!
You're off and away!"

A lovely beginning stanza from the wonderful poet, this book, it's like a send off to the world. I am almost all grown up, almost eighteen years old. I don't want to grow up, if I could, sometimes I think that I want to still be twelve years old, waiting for Peter Pan to come and take me away. Waiting for my childhood to take place. I know though, that I will still be young, forever young, but now it's time to face the music and grow up a little.

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
In any direction you choose!
You're on your own. And you know what you know!
And YOU are the the guy who'll decide where to go."

When you grow up, you learn things, you learn everything fact. Everything that your parents have taught you. Everything that you have learned on your own. Everything that others have taught you. You have feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself. You grow up, then you move on, to face the big bad world on your own.


You, can control your future, because it's YOURS. No one can take it away.

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... Get on your way!

"We all have to grow up sometimes, we might as well know what we want." -Amy March. -Little Women.

-Birdy

"We love the things we love for what they are."

Robert Frost. Beautiful line. I like poetry, however Robert Frost is not my favorite poet, I prefer the darker side of poetry such as Edgar Allen Poe, I think I just relate better to it, yes, that sounds silly, that I like darker poets, but I think they're more intriguing then a poet who writes about a tree blowing in the wind. When I write poems, they're generally about something I've gone through, I like to have a story about myself rather then just reading a puff piece about a flower petal. I like Emily Dickinson, but only some of her things. I want, when a reader reads one of my poems I want them to get a small glimpse into my life, not just my love of nature. (I like it, in concentrated doses, or when I'm with my friends, alone however, I do not like nature.)
Anyways, yes, I used a quote with love in it... AGAIN. (why you might ask? I wouldn't know.) I think love, because it's so foreign to me, is what makes it so interesting, so special so and unattainable. Because that what love is to me, love is unattainable. I push it away, so I'm not complaining about it. Love has this thing about it see, that when you do find something you love, it doesn't matter how flawed it is. You could love the most disgusting shirt in the world, but you still love it for whatever reason, it could've belonged to someone that you cherished of found to be special, or a wrapper from something that you had fun at, silly things, but I mean, you love what you love.
The heart wants what the heart wants. Or else it does not care at all. (I'm pretty sure that Emily Dickinson said that.) I mean though, it's true, its incredibly true. As much as I'm going to tell myself that I don't want to fall for anyone, my heart decides, my brain kinda just follows along with the rest of my body. I simply don't have a choice. I think that's one of the fun parts of being young, you can make mistakes, but still the rest of your body doesn't really understand what you've just done to yourself, all it realize's is that you'r happy and you seem to stay happy for a long enough time.
Love is a disease that poisons the mind and all reasoning along with it. (I said that by the way.) I mean it really is, then Paulo Coelho said "Love is a disease that no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured." which I think is sooo true, (yes I just had one of those strange girl moments.) Love really is a disease, and it's that strange one that EVERYONE wants. Then there a couple who are like, 'well, no. I think being clear and happy is such a nice curse and a burden that I'll go with alone.' because when you're in love, you don't think clearly, I mean how many people don't look back on early years and think, 'wow, I am dumb, why did I like them? I don't know...? I am so much smarter now.' Everyone thinks like that, so if you're that weird person that DOESN'T think like that, then please, tell us your secret, because I would like to know the magic for happy living.
You can ask anyone who's actually in love that this question. "Would you change a thing?" Most of the time, they would look at their significant other, or think of them and say with a happy silly tone, "No, of course not." That's what everyone says, it's not just what I would say, (which I will never.) or friends of mine, I mean it's just the generic answer to that AGE OLD QUESTION...
anyways, we love the things we love for what they are. You love what you love, simple as that. I don't love it for something it's not, I won't love someone for something that they aren't. I want to look at someone, and know why I fell for them, normally when I do see someone, and I fall for them, I need to figure out the reason I fell for them. I don't just want to aimlessly fall for someone, I want to like them for them. I want to notice someone, but I don't just want to like someone to like them. I want to like them, because I see something/someone worth actually liking.

-Birdy

"We love the things we love for what they are."

"Hope is a waking dream."

Aristotle! "Hope is a waking dream." what a quote, (I feel like I say that for everything. Well everything I pick is extraordinary.)

I, for not believing in love, I do believe in hope. Because hope is important, as much as we choose to believe that it's not anything of importance, we can base our whole existence off of hope. I read somewhere that hope can be necessary to our very being.  Because it is, you subtract hope, you then subtract all the other important emotions that one needs to be able to function. Love, belief, faith.


"Do you know what I wish? Well I good wishing's no good either." Everything starts with a wish."
                                           -Cinderella.

Yes I know I don't normally do a post with more then one quote. This is a two quote post. (Sherlock fans might get the reference.)  Anyways (Geek girl moment.) Understand it, really understand how much we need hope, we need all the other emotions. Wishing however, is a huge one! As a child you wish, you base your entire life off of wishing for everything in the world. Like at Christmas, you WISH and you HOPE that you'll get everything you asked for. Same thing on your birthday, you may WISH your mother will have another baby so you can have another sibling. Things like that; then as you get older, you start to WISH for more realistic things, like getting good grades, or getting into a good school, having someone special that makes you feel special stuff like that. I mean it's true, you grow up and WISH and HOPE for more grown up things.

Okay, okay, enough with the bolding now, but really, I do like these quotes. Even for grown up people, they still hope for things, some things may be silly and stupid, but others are big and serious.

Either way, Hope is so big, wishing is so important; they are those childhood one never grows out of.

-Birdy

"Hope is a waking Dream"

“I dream my painting and I paint my dream.”

Van Gogh! Oh such a lovely line, it really is beautiful, (to any Whovians that read this, I thought of you.) Anyways, Van Gogh, a lot of people know him as this troubled artist who brought us amazing paintings and then tragically died when he was in his late thirties. (Yes, very sad.) I think of him as someone who knew how to dream. Obviously he wasn't completely right in the head, he had a mental problem (which I couldn't find out what it was, don't worry I did my research for this post.) But from what I can deduce, its very similar to depression, which many people suffer from each and every day. He poured himself into his art, his beautiful, amazing, breathtaking art.
Reading up on Van Gogh, its an amazing learning opportunity, (take ten minutes and learn a little about this famous artist). I learned that even when he went to go and receive treatment for his illness he couldn't. Because he would feed of the other patients at the asylum. Making him even worse. He then went home and according to a friend, Emily Bernard, "he left his easel behind a haystack and went behind the chateau and fired a revolver shot at himself."
Wow that's mad, to fire a gun at yourself? Though the bullet was thought to have missed important internal organs. When taken to a doctor, the doctor hoped to save him, but Van Gogh replied saying "Then I'll have to do it over again." Hell bent on just ending his life.

Not a lot of people take time to look at the artist behind the beautiful, famous paintings. I see a dreamer, someone who, beyond all the problems, poured himself into his work, someone who created beautiful things. Van Gogh had a amazing relationship with his brother, in fact when Van Gogh shot himself, his brother came to be with him until he died. His brother, Theo, even named his son Vincent Willem. I think that's simply amazing. I really do.


Now, my personal take on the quote (thank you for reading the small history lesson above! :) )
"I dream my painting and I paint my dream." How amazing would it be if our minds worked like that? to be able to take something that we dreamt and put it onto a canvas, what if we already do that? Like when you journal, your writing your deepest thoughts, your most personal dreams. EVERYTHING. You don't need to be skilled iwth a brush to be able to dream, I think Vincent really showed me that today. I can dream with my words, with my thoughts, with my actions. I can be a literal dreamer, making things happen. Vincent had a dream, he accomplished it. Yes while it's sad that he couldn't cope with everything around him; Vincent Van Gogh brought us beauty, art, wonder, all in the short time that he was with us.

So take a page from Vincent, the painter who didn't really had it all sorted. The painter who was able to bring his dreams to life. Take a page from someone, (me) whose life may not be going exactly the way she wants it to be. I struggle with things too, some are big and some are just petty things. But I do struggle, take a page from someone who writes their dreams. Take a page from someone who wants to turn sadness into beauty. Because, someday, I'll look back and I'll be happy that I did this.

Take a page from a dreamer. A painter, a writer, the believer.

-Birdy

"I dream my painting and I paint my dream"

“You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real.”

HUNGER GAMES. Okay, yes by now you should know that I'm mad as a box of cats; I get excited over incredibly stupid stuff.
"You love me. Real of not real?" I tell him, "Real." Wow, what a line, and yes its from Mockingjay, (so even if you didn't read the hunger games or despise them with a passion, you finish what you started reading.) Anyways, Real or not real? what a statement. Will you choose to be with someone for the rest of your life? Will you make it Real or not Real? I would choose to make it real; I mean thats the obvious choice right? Yes it is. How hard is though? To say yes I do love you, yes it is real. It's crazy hard, insanely hard in fact.
Someone, by saying, Real or not real, would've just given you a way out, but at the cost of their own feelings, nothing more. They want to know if your feeling are genuine. I know for certain that I wouldn't be brave enough to ask someone, "You love me. Real or not Real?" Because I don't want to hear the answer if it's not what I want to hear. (I have a feeling that I'm not the only one either.) I don't enjoy putting myself out there, well I do, but to a extent. I'll do crazy things, like dye half of my head pink and be mad in public; but thats a completely different type of being out there (yes? I know I'm right on this one.)
However, when it comes to love, I don't enjoy putting myself out there, I would much rather be protecting my heart then ever do anything to jeopardize my emotions; because my emotions, they really hold me together (to understand this you need to understand that I'm not the most stable person, I need balance in my life, and when I don't have it, I will start to unravel a little, as everyone knows, a little can turn into a lot quite quickly.)
When it comes to the answer though, "Real." What would you say? if someone asked you this? (I personally think this is the cutest question ever to be asked.) but no, seriously if someone asked you this, what would your answer be? Real or not real? (This is a real topic, so don't fault me for being mental.) How often do you find yourself faced with this question? How often do you find yourself on the receiving end? or the giver of the question?

I really don't know how to close this post, so I mean this is as good as anything else.
Love, is a bizarre concept, which I don't pretend to understand, but it is a wonderful puzzle that I want to solve someday, So someday, when you (my readers ((if I have any)) ) find yourselves faced with this question. Ponder it, make your answer count.

-Birdy

"You love me. Real or not Real?" I tell him, "Real."

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”

ANOTHER LOVE POST.. ohh dear, for a girl who is so ANTI LOVE; I think it is by far my favorite subject, IT IS FASCINATING. For being an almost REVOLTING subject, it's a vast concept that I hardly understand, but I love to attempt.
Okay, this this quote comes to us from the always wonderful, simply brilliant WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. Anyways, all dramatics aside, (see? mental girl here.)
I think now in todays society, love (the confused deranged version of it at least.) Is based, driven in fact by looks, not by whats inside, people so often look at the surface and see a pretty face with no substance, some see the inside first, and that, when it does happen (although not often) is beautiful. Simply beautiful and wonderful.
I mean, everyone looks at the face, the face is the first thing you see, and then if you don't like the face, then generally you won't make it a point to get to know the rest of the wonderful, amazing person that they are.
I guess long story short, it just go's back to the old saying, DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. I bet, you've probably heard that a million times, but even Shakespeare said it, so it must be true, I want someone who has substance, in fact I need that. I crave someone who can match my wit with his own. I want to interesting conversations, something with real meaning. If it's all just a bunch of fluff and nonsense then I think I would drive myself absolutely crazy. BONKERS in fact. I need that, I can't just have a pretty face, it needs to have something behind it. Something that would intrigue me to stick around.
So I like puzzles you see, I'm the girl who will stay in on a perfect Saturday night to work on a puzzle, I get teased about it; yes but they are like food for my brain. Normally I'll do something like an angel puzzle, or a silly little golf course one, but anyways, what I choose to do with my time, however stupid is my choice. More intriguing are PEOPLE puzzles, people who are guarded, or people who've been hurt and they choose to close up and become defensive, they, are the most interesting puzzles in the whole world, layers upon layers or damage, or hurt, either way, they are the most fascinating people on the planet.
I have a friend like that, different and guarded, he drives me mental at times, but I can't help but care, I really can't help but feel for him. Okay the thing is, with puzzles you MUST take care of them, treat them for what they are, difficult, this go's for cardboard and for people, especially people. I have to gentle with him, I have to use patience and discernment, because one wrong move and I would mess the whole thing up, if I'm not careful I can hurt him, and it's so easy.
You know how puzzles come in different numbers of pieces? yah so do people, some people have puzzles of only a hundred pieces and some of more like 200 and so of and so forth, my friend is like a puzzle of ONE MILLION pieces. Every move you make to try to put him back together the piece doesn't fix and you have to go back and look for the correct piece, you almost never find the correct answer (piece) and you will literally drive yourself mad.
Every once in awhile, a great while, a piece though comes into place, and it makes sense. An answer has been found, one layer is gone, and when that happens, I become so happy; it really does make me happy, and it takes a lot to actually make me happy or smile, but this guy does, so when a piece or two has been fitted properly, it's amazing.

People are like puzzles, the mind needs puzzles. LOVE is the greatest puzzle that anyone will ever attempt to solve; not even some of the greats figured it out, I know I'll never be able to fully understand it. So the long story short, (and now I will conclude) that "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"

-Birdy

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.”

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
Oh how I love this quote, and how it hits home for me. It's a beautiful quote by the ever amazing Eleanor Roosevelt. She, honestly I think couldn't have been more true.
Girls (yes I know, to any boys who read this, I'm sorry. We are complicated creatures.) But in all honesty. It's so true. Why would you put your self out there for someone who doesn't even know you really exist? Because of "love"? What a silly reason, but it's a good one. People will go bloody mental over love, (not that I understand any of their nonsense and madness...) ((although.. sadly. It does drive you mental. Mad as a box of cats in fact.))
Why would you want to love someone? Give them your all, everything about you, why would you give up all that for love? It's mad I think, just mad. But, people do it. They sacrifice themselves, their hearts, their trust.
What possess you to give up so valuable as your trust? Love I guess. Trusting someone with your secrets, your dreams, your life. EVERYTHING. It's hard to give up everything, and speaking for a control freak, I know it'll take a long while before I would even consider telling all my secrets, everything I hope for, dream for, but then again, dreams are nothing, hope is bigger then life.


Yah so I know this is a super short post. I just don't know what else I can say about "LOVE" I think love is difficult, unattainable, hard, so incredibly hard. I believe that love can lead to sabotage and hurt and heartbreak. I believe these things because I've seen them, and it's heartbreaking to see someone you care about so much go through something so difficult and miserable. Love though, maybe? Maybe someday it'll be for me, but right now, I just couldn't do it. I don't have the strength to put hope into it.

-Birdy.

"We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
 -Eleanor Roosevelt.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

I love this quote, absolutely love this. Because no truer words have ever been written.
Everyday, girls get up super early in the morning to do their hair, makeup and find the perfect outfit to wear to school, or to work. They spend maybe an hour on their make-up, trying to make it look just perfect, so maybe today someone will notice, accept them, love them.
When I say love, I don't just mean the romantic type of love, I also mean the kind that can come from a best friend, a sibling, or a parent. Love meaning acceptance, being truly wanted in todays society.
Everyone fights for acceptance, and some people succeed and some fail miserably, and some do it without even realizing they're doing it. I don't go to a normal school, I stay home and do it, I wander around the house in sweat pants and a tee shirt. I almost never do my hair in the morning, just tossing it into a bun, making it work, I rarely put make-up one when I'm at home, I run around like a completely idiot, yelling and screaming like I'm dying, but I won't do something like that when I'm out in public? I mean, it really depends on where I am. If I'm with my friends, the yelling is to a minimum, but the being crazy. ALL.TIME.HIGH. I have learned that I don't so much care about what people think about me, I'm being myself (a toned down version) but still myself. I want to make a REAL impression on someone, not a fake one.
When we actually broach the subject of being fake, or changing to become excepted, people normally shut you out or they become very defensive. It's not easy being told that you're not acting like yourself, just to fit in. Because in reality everyone wants to be accepted, and everybody wants to be wanted. I myself am not even immune to that desire; especially being a young woman, I still want that, for boys it's not nearly as bad, but girl struggle with it so much.
Girls, (in my opinion) can be completely ruthless sometimes, everything in our world involves being better then someone else, wanting to look the best so that you can be loved, and accepted by other women. Horrible girls do play a huge part in bulling, girls that may not have as much money, who don't wear the best cloths, or who look just so perfect can get made fun of, teased, to the point of madness (and bulling is another big issue).
I think as I close this blog post, (that I'll admit, is very overdue) I'll say again, accept it, accept love, because it's one of the best gifts in the whole world, maybe someone loves you just the way you are, mad as a box of cats; but you're to consumed with yourself image to really and truly realize that.

-Birdy

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Okay, so now to take a break from Peter Pan, this is a Harry Potter quote! Woo!
Now that we have that out of the way, This particular quote comes from the... first book, yes! I choose it because it's still kind of like the last blog post I did, about dreams, but unlike my last blog post this one discourages you from living on your dreams.
As a child, you play pretend, you dream but soon when you grow up and then it no longer becomes socially acceptable to just sit at home all day dreaming, you need to live too. I'm not saying don't dream, because we need dreams to function, even some adults dream, but you don't see them dwell on them now do you? No they live, and sometimes they live out their dreams.
At eleven, when Hogwarts letters are sent out, most of the kids are in that state where they want to be all grown up and want nothing to do with childish things, so it's a good age, and at Hogwarts they do a lot of growing up, but the acceptance age is the one I want to focus on. Eleven, to young to be a teenager, but to old to be a child. A (Personally I think) very awkward age, you're going to through puberty and you don't really know what to do with your self. You want to be all grown up and participate in grown up things, but because they still see you as a young child, you can't. You may think you're to old to even dream, or read fairy tales, well, I was probably the only eleven year old who still watched disney fairy tales on a regular basis. That's because I was young, and I liked grown up things, like sitting at the adults table instead of the kids table at family gatherings, or being involved in their conversations, but I couldn't really partake in them now could I? I was a child.
Some kids don't like to dream, even when they're young, to go it alone with no hopes or dreams to back them up in life, and I certainly was not that that child! I loved to dream, I could sit for hours on our window seat, looking out our front windows; watching the squirrels play, wishing, DREAMING that I could be one of them. I soon learned that being a squirrel would probably suck, but still I loved to dream about their lives.
I'm seventeen now, a far cry from that little girl who sat on the window to dream about the life of small woodland creatures, I think now about my future, what I want to be when I grow up, (which I guess I should've thought about that a long time ago..) I think about love, and what it really is, and I think maybe someday that it could be for me.

-Birdy


"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.”

As a child, you are generally fearless. you have to worry about silly things like falling and cutting yourself of course, but you don't worry about what you're going to do with yourself in the future, or if you'll end up completely alone later in life. You want always to be a child and to have fun, not to worry. You grow up though, and then you have more things to be afraid of then just a scrape on your knee or a bump on your head. School worries take over, family worries, friendships, all sorts a things. You cease to have that childhood mentality, you begin to doubt in things that you grew up learning. "All the monsters live under your bed and if you don't believe in them, you'll be safe" that's a childhood thought, and when you grow up you see they're scarier things in the world. Monsters like 'betrayal' 'lying' 'being hurt' and many more. The point is that the monsters in your closet become things of the past, to be replaced with adult fears.
When you're a child, Peter Pan is a thought process (I call this the 'Peter Pan Mentality') Peter is the embodiment of childhood, and Peter is a child (the book even says that he still has all his baby teeth) he's immature and frankly he's not afraid of anything. Remember though, he is a child, he doesn't face any of those adult worries or fears, all he has to worry about is to make sure he doesn't do anything to stupid (but how often does that happen? I mean really?) I remember when I was little all I wanted to do was fly, I didn't care how I did it, I could've jumped off a roof to try, and believe me I certainly tried (word from the wise, don't do it!) I would jump off things, or run to get a head start and plow into something or someone. Those attempts gained me some battle scars and a couple sprained ankles. I tried so hard one I ran into a door I wasn't looking where I was going and it wasn't very pretty, but believe it or not the next day I was at it again. I told my mom multiple times that I flying was what I wanted, I always told her that I wanted go in a plane, she always told me that we never had the money to take my family of five on a plane. I didn't ask her again, I was seven last time I wanted to fly, I grew up, I was fifteen when I finally flew on a plane, and I was petrified, I flew alone to go meet my best friend in Florida for a week, and being alone on a plane for the first time, growing up and hearing of all the various plan crashes over the years, well it's enough to instill a little bit of fear. The ten year anniversary of 9/11 had passed about a week prior to me flying out. It wasn't as fun as I thought, but it certainly was not as bad as it could've been. Over all it was a wonderful flight, I flew back just fine and I now don't really have any desire to repeat that experience.
That's what I'm talking about though, when I was seven I would've given anything to fly in a plane or fly in Neverland, just to fly and be free. I would even injure myself to fulfill my dream. I'm grown up now, I'm very fearful of things. "The moment when you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to." I doubt that I can do it anymore, and I've grown up, I mean what five year old thinks that they can't rule the world someday? What five year old thinks that they'll never get married or they'll never be able to do what they want, they are FEARLESS.
So take a page from the younger generation, see how they live life to the fullest, how they notice everything and anything. Watch how to live, how they operate, do they care if you tell them no you can't fly. No they will try to their whole being. They play out their future as they see it, a future when they will be forever Young. Truly FEARLESS.

-Birdy

 "The moment when you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to."

“Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning. ”

Away we go, away we fly, to our imaginations, to a place in our minds that's safe, and is available to no one else but you. An escape from reality as it t'were, I think we all have somewhere like that, with our own special way to get there. Mine is a quite little spot in the very back of my mind, I arrive there right before I fall into the dream state. It's special and warm, all floaty and it's mine, and only who I allow to be in it is there. My friends, a couple family members, my pony and a couple of other things that I cherish. That's my Neverland and it's just past the point where I start to laugh uncontrollably, the turning point right after so slap happy beyond belief. It's a place where I will say ANYTHING, but most importantly. It's my place.
Neverland. Let's just ponder that for a moment if you don't mind. Neverland, one word. BIG meaning. A place where children WILL dream, to make their day dreams come true. I think I always wished to go there, I mean who doesn't want to see mermaids, or be able to fly? I would, wouldn't you?
Peter is some people's Neverland, he's their second star to the right and straight on till morning. Just past sanity and a right at reasoning. A boy who can fly? I mean who thinks of this stuff? Someone who still holds onto their childhood with an iron fist that's who. J.M. Berrie wrote about a boy who could fly, who had a fairy for a best friend, someone who fought pirates, a boy of legends, a boy that every young person somedays dreams of being.
I'm seventeen, I should be all grown up, but look at that, I'm not, one year till I'm legal; hardly any plans for what to do, but for me; I think that's where I need to be, I take things as they come to me, not the other way around. I used to be a planner, but everything kinda fell apart all around me. I said ''screw planning, I'm gonna do this my way" my dream state then took over, I follow my heart when I make decisions, because my future is only what I make my present to be. Some people like to live in the past, but the past is what has shaped me to be who I am now, in the PRESENT. My present will mold my future, not the other way around. I can't live like my future will change my present. Because it won't and I'm sorry if that's how you (my readers((if I even have any))) think.
A dream state, (Neverland) is where my dreams are taken to be accounted for, to live in harmony with each other, for me to pick and choose which one I would like to use.  Where my dreams are SAFE from people who want to discourage me, or throw me off the path of my success, my dreams that will carry me though life.
Now let us not become confused for a second. I'm in no way saying that my dreams are the only guidelines to my life, because if that was true then I would have everything that I want; sadly however I don't. I have what I have though hard work and dedication. I pick a dream and I stick with it, until it's no longer a dream but it's a true reality. Then I can replace it with a new dream, a new mission.
Maybe someday my dream state will be empty, but with any luck, I'll get married someday, have kids and then have dreams for them. I never want to go to my dream state one night, right before I drift off to sleep and find that there's nothing there anymore. I want to be a dreamer forever, because right now I AM a dreamer.

-Birdy

"Second star to the to right and straight on 'til morning."

"Wendy will cry but her love will NEVER die, for the boy who taught her how to fly"

We all grow up, but sometimes we even love, yes even as a young child we still love, not just for our parents, or our siblings, (but lets face it, who likes their siblings when you're young?) most of the time it's for a childhood friend, a childhood love as they are more commonly known as, I think every one has one, someone they've either dated, or just become best friends, but still everyone's had one. I still know mine actually, and I've been friends with him for years, and it's just been a friendship, and a wonderful one at that, but still, he was one of the first boys I actually liked, and enjoyed hanging out with other then my brother.
Peter Pan (yes, it does all come back to that) was the only one who never truely loved, oh he cared for Wendy, but he would never really love her the way that she wanted. Peter needed Wendy but in a way that he would have someone who was there for him, to share his adventures with, but nothing more. Wendy, I believe truly had feelings for this wild, unruly child but Peter would never have feelings for her. He was (as I stated before) WILD. Completely and utterly wild, never to be tamed by a human, or a mother.
Peter never wanted a mother, that's why he ran away, so he could be young forever and always, but when he met Wendy and brought her to live with him I think the last thing he expected was that she would be so good for him. That she would keep him grounded and make him think about his answers, but I don't think that Wendy expected that she would find her childhood love in Peter. Now a days that's all people want in books, is an epic romance between the two main characters, but what ever happened to just a friendship? A friendship with more meaning then anything, a friendship so powerful that the other would die for them, that's what Peter and Wendy's friendship is.
I want a friendship like that more then anything, where someone who loves me more then they love themselves is willing to give up their lives just to keep me safe. Everything has it's time though right?
When you hear the phrase, "she's your Wendy isn't she?" you instantly think of Peter Pan, because where else in all of literacy is the name Wendy so widely recognized? In Peter Pan, Wendy is his best friend, his companion. Wendy on the other hand was also someone he cherished, someone he cared deeply for, he cried when Wendy grew up, and he fought to try to make her stay in Neverland with him but in end it just wasn't enough, Peter doesn't know that every relationship needs compromise, and theirs was no different. When Peter didn't compromise Wendy did the only thing that she knew, which was to leave, and soon Peter realized what she had done and he was sad, but he tried to get over it, but he never did, that's why he went after Wendy.
We all in away try to hold onto our first loves, our childhood best friends or maybe even our people now. Some stay in contact, maybe talking over the phone every couple of months, or writing letters, (oh wait, you guys mostly use email now don't you?) or some even go the step farther and see each other, but then they're some that make that the big step and maybe keep those feelings for each other, realizing that what they had in when they were children was real and wasn't just something that they made up in their minds. They pursue a relationship and it works, for the most part, it's theirs.

-Birdy

"Wendy will cry but her love will NEVER die, for the boy who taught her how to fly."

“All children, except one, grow up.”

True enough, all children do grow up, except for Peter. Peter is the embodiment of all childhood dreams really, he fly's in and out of our memories, making us smile or laugh at the craziest moments, making us wish we could relive favorite memories; not truly wanting to grow up.
When I think of memories I would like to hold onto, they're mostly in my teen years, such as last year, and the year before, when I really started to find out who I was as a person and who I would soon become, as I am now. I remember thinking, 'I wish I could just stop time when I get to age seventeen or so..' but we all know that would never happen, now at seventeen I wish I'd held onto the memories and the experiences even more then I had when I was young. I wish I'd let my Peter Pan come though my mind a little more, to as I describe it, 'slow the process' and let me live my childhood a little bit longer, but sadly we can't go back and repeat sophomore and junior year, which to tell you the truth, I don't really care all that much. I wish I could've stopped and watched myself live it, giving myself little words of encouragement when I would need or to tell myself I was about to do something INCREDIBLY stupid and to think twice about it.
When I was between the ages five and seven I wished so hard that Peter would come and take me away, that I could meet the boy who was twelve and still had EVERY single one of his baby teeth, who had fair hair and fair skin, a light hearted and mischievous boy who would get me into trouble and probably make me want to hurt him, but none the less I wished he would come through my window and take me away with him to Neverland, so I wouldn't have to answer those questions of 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' and I never knew what to tell them, I think the earliest memory of me actually answering the question is that I wanted to go with pixies and Peter Pan. All the adults laughed and I frankly didn't understand what was happening. Every year when we would take our annual family camping trip I would run up to my room the second we got home to see if there was anything in my room for me, I always believed that Peter would be sitting on my bed, playing his little wooden flute and tell me that it was finally time to go away with him to Neverland, to live with him and become a lost girl.
The book Peter Pan clearly states that their are only lost boys saying that the boys fall out of their prams when the nurse isn't looking, but girls are much to clever to fall out of their prams. If a baby isn't claimed within ten days then it's sent to the Neverlands, I'm adopted and I always believed that I was the only girl ever to fall out of her pram, but I was claimed by a wonderful amazing family, so I still have the wildness that would've been instilled in me if I'd gone. I believe in all those fairy tale creatures, that somewhere there is a prince waiting for me one day to sweep me off my feet, although in Neverland, only children live there, haven't you ever realized that there aren't any adults?

-Birdy

“All children, except one, grow up.” 

“Never is an awfully long time.”

To say 'never' can be alot of things. It can be 'I'll 'never' forget how much I love you.' or something like 'I hate you! I 'never' want to see you again!' but see, never is used in two completely different statements, however you look at it though, never is a awfully long time, when you say never to someone, you're making them a promise, wether it be a promise to never stop loving you, or a promise of just how deep their hatred seems to be.
When I think of never though, I always think of NEVERland. Somewhere, out there in the universe is a place where children never grow up; staying young forever to live out dreams, but one happens the kids start to think about going home? Do they forget their homes, their families, their dreams. Dreams as unimportant as some people think they are, they really aren't, dreams are what we look forward, and no I'm not talking about dreams like day dreams, things that I would want, or nightmares, your fears being realized, but dreams, about your future; like what I want to be when I grow up or what I want for a family of my own someday. Children in Neverland however, forget that; because if they remember such things then they'll be forced to leave and grow up. Something Peter Pan never did mind you, (see, there's that word 'never' again.)
Peter was the only boy who never grew up, not simply because he didn't want to go to school, or because he didn't want to become a man, he wanted to always be a boy and to have fun. To live out his ENDLESS childhood dreams, to forever be young. I mean I talk about not growing up, but I think I would be incredibly sad if one day I was told that I would never turn twenty-one or I would never get married and have children, that I had to be under my parents rule forever, I think if that was the case then I would rather live in Neverland, where I could be on my own, but who would be with me? Peter? No, Peter is always busy, causing his own mischief finding more people to add to Neverland, but I think it must be quite hard, considering some kids actually want to grow up and become adults, or some who just never want to leave home because they'll miss mummy and daddy.
I want to grow up, as much I would love to be seventeen forever, being seventeen is horrid, you can't do anything really, I sadly don't have my license and therefore I'm stuck at home most days, except when I make plans with people, but going to Neverland, oh that would be an awfully big adventure, but I prefer my sweet, quiet life.
Think again of Peter Pan for another minute if you don't mind, he ran away when he heard his parents talking about he someday would become a man, he, a small child ran away to Kensington Gardens, to hide away with the fairies, then he went to Neverland, to have a arch-enemy in a pirate, to have a best friend in Tinkerbell, and to have followers such as the Lost Boys, and when everyone had either left him or been defeated, Peter didn't care, oh I think he probably still thought of Wendy and the Lost Boys, but he didn't dwell on it like adults do, Peter knew no fear, which is the difference between adults and children. Peter may have experienced terrible things and almost death, but he is still fearless.

-Birdy

“Never is an awfully long time.”

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”

Goodbye. It's one word with a sad meaning. It means that we're growing up and moving on. Peter Pan knows that when you say goodbye you'll forget about him, you'll forget about Neverland and all the adventures that you had when you were a child.
I think though, everyone at some point in their lives do need to say goodbye to either something or someone. You know when someone is dying and they say "Don't say goodbye? Don't forget?" There's truth to that saying because more often then not when we say goodbye, our minds except that they are really TRUELY gone and you forget those happy memories that you had with someone, may it be a family member who passed or a friend who moved away, but when you admit to yourself that they are gone, then they really are.
I can tell from experience that when you harbor a memory or something someone gave you that the memory is stronger then if you had nothing. I have a parrot from the grandmother and I still can remember her giving this old beanie baby parrot and I knew that she was dying even when she was giving me the bird. I was probably around eight when she passed away. I still hold onto memories and It hurts to go to my grandparents home, my grandfather remarried and he's changed almost everything in the house, the kitchen where she cooked is different, the living room where she lived is so much different, the bedrooms upstairs have changed; most of her trinkets have gone to her children. The only thing that remains untouched is the sitting room at the front of the house, still this strange yellow color, the furniture exactly the same the pictures haven't been changed since 2008, the piano is still in the corner the room, it hasn't been played for a long time. It however is my favorite room in the whole home. I feel strange when I go to my grandfathers, like I'm walking on broken glass, like the sitting room has a spell on it, it won't ever age as long as no one mentions my grandmother. How I want to though, how I wish I could just have memories about her, but that however would mean that I've excepted that she really is gone. I don't want to say goodbye, because to me she's not really gone.
So lets take a page from Peter's book and say see you later, or I'll miss you, but never Goodbye, because goodbye means going away.

-Birdy

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.”