“I dream my painting and I paint my dream.”

Van Gogh! Oh such a lovely line, it really is beautiful, (to any Whovians that read this, I thought of you.) Anyways, Van Gogh, a lot of people know him as this troubled artist who brought us amazing paintings and then tragically died when he was in his late thirties. (Yes, very sad.) I think of him as someone who knew how to dream. Obviously he wasn't completely right in the head, he had a mental problem (which I couldn't find out what it was, don't worry I did my research for this post.) But from what I can deduce, its very similar to depression, which many people suffer from each and every day. He poured himself into his art, his beautiful, amazing, breathtaking art.
Reading up on Van Gogh, its an amazing learning opportunity, (take ten minutes and learn a little about this famous artist). I learned that even when he went to go and receive treatment for his illness he couldn't. Because he would feed of the other patients at the asylum. Making him even worse. He then went home and according to a friend, Emily Bernard, "he left his easel behind a haystack and went behind the chateau and fired a revolver shot at himself."
Wow that's mad, to fire a gun at yourself? Though the bullet was thought to have missed important internal organs. When taken to a doctor, the doctor hoped to save him, but Van Gogh replied saying "Then I'll have to do it over again." Hell bent on just ending his life.

Not a lot of people take time to look at the artist behind the beautiful, famous paintings. I see a dreamer, someone who, beyond all the problems, poured himself into his work, someone who created beautiful things. Van Gogh had a amazing relationship with his brother, in fact when Van Gogh shot himself, his brother came to be with him until he died. His brother, Theo, even named his son Vincent Willem. I think that's simply amazing. I really do.


Now, my personal take on the quote (thank you for reading the small history lesson above! :) )
"I dream my painting and I paint my dream." How amazing would it be if our minds worked like that? to be able to take something that we dreamt and put it onto a canvas, what if we already do that? Like when you journal, your writing your deepest thoughts, your most personal dreams. EVERYTHING. You don't need to be skilled iwth a brush to be able to dream, I think Vincent really showed me that today. I can dream with my words, with my thoughts, with my actions. I can be a literal dreamer, making things happen. Vincent had a dream, he accomplished it. Yes while it's sad that he couldn't cope with everything around him; Vincent Van Gogh brought us beauty, art, wonder, all in the short time that he was with us.

So take a page from Vincent, the painter who didn't really had it all sorted. The painter who was able to bring his dreams to life. Take a page from someone, (me) whose life may not be going exactly the way she wants it to be. I struggle with things too, some are big and some are just petty things. But I do struggle, take a page from someone who writes their dreams. Take a page from someone who wants to turn sadness into beauty. Because, someday, I'll look back and I'll be happy that I did this.

Take a page from a dreamer. A painter, a writer, the believer.

-Birdy

"I dream my painting and I paint my dream"

“You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real.”

HUNGER GAMES. Okay, yes by now you should know that I'm mad as a box of cats; I get excited over incredibly stupid stuff.
"You love me. Real of not real?" I tell him, "Real." Wow, what a line, and yes its from Mockingjay, (so even if you didn't read the hunger games or despise them with a passion, you finish what you started reading.) Anyways, Real or not real? what a statement. Will you choose to be with someone for the rest of your life? Will you make it Real or not Real? I would choose to make it real; I mean thats the obvious choice right? Yes it is. How hard is though? To say yes I do love you, yes it is real. It's crazy hard, insanely hard in fact.
Someone, by saying, Real or not real, would've just given you a way out, but at the cost of their own feelings, nothing more. They want to know if your feeling are genuine. I know for certain that I wouldn't be brave enough to ask someone, "You love me. Real or not Real?" Because I don't want to hear the answer if it's not what I want to hear. (I have a feeling that I'm not the only one either.) I don't enjoy putting myself out there, well I do, but to a extent. I'll do crazy things, like dye half of my head pink and be mad in public; but thats a completely different type of being out there (yes? I know I'm right on this one.)
However, when it comes to love, I don't enjoy putting myself out there, I would much rather be protecting my heart then ever do anything to jeopardize my emotions; because my emotions, they really hold me together (to understand this you need to understand that I'm not the most stable person, I need balance in my life, and when I don't have it, I will start to unravel a little, as everyone knows, a little can turn into a lot quite quickly.)
When it comes to the answer though, "Real." What would you say? if someone asked you this? (I personally think this is the cutest question ever to be asked.) but no, seriously if someone asked you this, what would your answer be? Real or not real? (This is a real topic, so don't fault me for being mental.) How often do you find yourself faced with this question? How often do you find yourself on the receiving end? or the giver of the question?

I really don't know how to close this post, so I mean this is as good as anything else.
Love, is a bizarre concept, which I don't pretend to understand, but it is a wonderful puzzle that I want to solve someday, So someday, when you (my readers ((if I have any)) ) find yourselves faced with this question. Ponder it, make your answer count.

-Birdy

"You love me. Real or not Real?" I tell him, "Real."

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”

ANOTHER LOVE POST.. ohh dear, for a girl who is so ANTI LOVE; I think it is by far my favorite subject, IT IS FASCINATING. For being an almost REVOLTING subject, it's a vast concept that I hardly understand, but I love to attempt.
Okay, this this quote comes to us from the always wonderful, simply brilliant WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. Anyways, all dramatics aside, (see? mental girl here.)
I think now in todays society, love (the confused deranged version of it at least.) Is based, driven in fact by looks, not by whats inside, people so often look at the surface and see a pretty face with no substance, some see the inside first, and that, when it does happen (although not often) is beautiful. Simply beautiful and wonderful.
I mean, everyone looks at the face, the face is the first thing you see, and then if you don't like the face, then generally you won't make it a point to get to know the rest of the wonderful, amazing person that they are.
I guess long story short, it just go's back to the old saying, DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. I bet, you've probably heard that a million times, but even Shakespeare said it, so it must be true, I want someone who has substance, in fact I need that. I crave someone who can match my wit with his own. I want to interesting conversations, something with real meaning. If it's all just a bunch of fluff and nonsense then I think I would drive myself absolutely crazy. BONKERS in fact. I need that, I can't just have a pretty face, it needs to have something behind it. Something that would intrigue me to stick around.
So I like puzzles you see, I'm the girl who will stay in on a perfect Saturday night to work on a puzzle, I get teased about it; yes but they are like food for my brain. Normally I'll do something like an angel puzzle, or a silly little golf course one, but anyways, what I choose to do with my time, however stupid is my choice. More intriguing are PEOPLE puzzles, people who are guarded, or people who've been hurt and they choose to close up and become defensive, they, are the most interesting puzzles in the whole world, layers upon layers or damage, or hurt, either way, they are the most fascinating people on the planet.
I have a friend like that, different and guarded, he drives me mental at times, but I can't help but care, I really can't help but feel for him. Okay the thing is, with puzzles you MUST take care of them, treat them for what they are, difficult, this go's for cardboard and for people, especially people. I have to gentle with him, I have to use patience and discernment, because one wrong move and I would mess the whole thing up, if I'm not careful I can hurt him, and it's so easy.
You know how puzzles come in different numbers of pieces? yah so do people, some people have puzzles of only a hundred pieces and some of more like 200 and so of and so forth, my friend is like a puzzle of ONE MILLION pieces. Every move you make to try to put him back together the piece doesn't fix and you have to go back and look for the correct piece, you almost never find the correct answer (piece) and you will literally drive yourself mad.
Every once in awhile, a great while, a piece though comes into place, and it makes sense. An answer has been found, one layer is gone, and when that happens, I become so happy; it really does make me happy, and it takes a lot to actually make me happy or smile, but this guy does, so when a piece or two has been fitted properly, it's amazing.

People are like puzzles, the mind needs puzzles. LOVE is the greatest puzzle that anyone will ever attempt to solve; not even some of the greats figured it out, I know I'll never be able to fully understand it. So the long story short, (and now I will conclude) that "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind"

-Birdy

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.”

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
Oh how I love this quote, and how it hits home for me. It's a beautiful quote by the ever amazing Eleanor Roosevelt. She, honestly I think couldn't have been more true.
Girls (yes I know, to any boys who read this, I'm sorry. We are complicated creatures.) But in all honesty. It's so true. Why would you put your self out there for someone who doesn't even know you really exist? Because of "love"? What a silly reason, but it's a good one. People will go bloody mental over love, (not that I understand any of their nonsense and madness...) ((although.. sadly. It does drive you mental. Mad as a box of cats in fact.))
Why would you want to love someone? Give them your all, everything about you, why would you give up all that for love? It's mad I think, just mad. But, people do it. They sacrifice themselves, their hearts, their trust.
What possess you to give up so valuable as your trust? Love I guess. Trusting someone with your secrets, your dreams, your life. EVERYTHING. It's hard to give up everything, and speaking for a control freak, I know it'll take a long while before I would even consider telling all my secrets, everything I hope for, dream for, but then again, dreams are nothing, hope is bigger then life.


Yah so I know this is a super short post. I just don't know what else I can say about "LOVE" I think love is difficult, unattainable, hard, so incredibly hard. I believe that love can lead to sabotage and hurt and heartbreak. I believe these things because I've seen them, and it's heartbreaking to see someone you care about so much go through something so difficult and miserable. Love though, maybe? Maybe someday it'll be for me, but right now, I just couldn't do it. I don't have the strength to put hope into it.

-Birdy.

"We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."
 -Eleanor Roosevelt.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

I love this quote, absolutely love this. Because no truer words have ever been written.
Everyday, girls get up super early in the morning to do their hair, makeup and find the perfect outfit to wear to school, or to work. They spend maybe an hour on their make-up, trying to make it look just perfect, so maybe today someone will notice, accept them, love them.
When I say love, I don't just mean the romantic type of love, I also mean the kind that can come from a best friend, a sibling, or a parent. Love meaning acceptance, being truly wanted in todays society.
Everyone fights for acceptance, and some people succeed and some fail miserably, and some do it without even realizing they're doing it. I don't go to a normal school, I stay home and do it, I wander around the house in sweat pants and a tee shirt. I almost never do my hair in the morning, just tossing it into a bun, making it work, I rarely put make-up one when I'm at home, I run around like a completely idiot, yelling and screaming like I'm dying, but I won't do something like that when I'm out in public? I mean, it really depends on where I am. If I'm with my friends, the yelling is to a minimum, but the being crazy. ALL.TIME.HIGH. I have learned that I don't so much care about what people think about me, I'm being myself (a toned down version) but still myself. I want to make a REAL impression on someone, not a fake one.
When we actually broach the subject of being fake, or changing to become excepted, people normally shut you out or they become very defensive. It's not easy being told that you're not acting like yourself, just to fit in. Because in reality everyone wants to be accepted, and everybody wants to be wanted. I myself am not even immune to that desire; especially being a young woman, I still want that, for boys it's not nearly as bad, but girl struggle with it so much.
Girls, (in my opinion) can be completely ruthless sometimes, everything in our world involves being better then someone else, wanting to look the best so that you can be loved, and accepted by other women. Horrible girls do play a huge part in bulling, girls that may not have as much money, who don't wear the best cloths, or who look just so perfect can get made fun of, teased, to the point of madness (and bulling is another big issue).
I think as I close this blog post, (that I'll admit, is very overdue) I'll say again, accept it, accept love, because it's one of the best gifts in the whole world, maybe someone loves you just the way you are, mad as a box of cats; but you're to consumed with yourself image to really and truly realize that.

-Birdy

"We accept the love we think we deserve."